Letters to the Editor…
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"I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here."
-Stephen Bishop

Dear Mr. Boyne,
I read your essay (Death to America) in my English class and found it incredibly interesting. My friend and I full-heartedly agree. When I brought it up with my father, he agreed and used me as an example for the fact that Americans revel in fake death. Naturally I denied it until he used September 11th as an example of how I'm so desensitized to death because I revel in the fake stuff. Now I've got to get working on the persuasive essay I'm writing on your persuasive essay!
Rebecca, sophmore honors English student
Kettering, Ohio

David,
After looking at the website I'm trying to figure out what the heck it is that you are selling. I see all kinds of rather strange offbeat articles, books, poems and pretend to be satirical comments but "Where's the Money?" I see books listed for sale but no way to purchase. I see a website so full of stuff that it will take the notorious FBI, CIA and Donald Rumsfeld to figure out what the heck you really are selling. If that group ever got together and looked at Writers Monthly, Afghanistan and Iraq would look like a cake walk.
Rolland H.
San Marcos, CA

Dear David,
I came across Writers' Monthly website today by chance and the first thing I read was your piece on Tai Chi. I enjoyed it so much I looked for more writing by you and read a couple more. I love your insight and your wry humour. I am English, living in Australia, and it is commonly said that Americans don't understand irony. You obviously do, and I enjoy it enormously! Happy writing.
Cheers,
Gara
Sydney, Australia

Subject: Copy Jockey essay
Hello. I am doing a Career project for my Business class, and your job, an Xerographer, is one of the jobs I need to research. Would you happen to know of any other jobs beginning with the letter 'X'?
Also, I was wondering if you could e-mail me back with:
1.) Your job description (definition)
2.) salary per year
3.) School requirements (how many years of college in which specific fields?)

Thank you very much!
Lucky Twirler

Editor's Reply
Hiya, Lucky.
Other X-jobs: xylophone player (Lionel Hampton), X-ray technician (Joe Crawford), Xenophobe (Pat Buchannan), X-rated film star (Mary Carey), Xylographer (Currier and Ives)
1. Job description is what the entire essay is about
2. Salary: Can you say "working poor?"
3. School requirements? Dude, while trained monkeys can do this work, I've had more Ph.Ds and MFAs and Bachelors and Bachelorettes of every description as colleagues in copy stores than anywhere else I've worked, including law firms, and universities and lbraries, with the possible exception of homeless shelters.

On Writers Monthly, from a first time reader: I hate it when I come upon a site like yours that could keep me up all night (which isn't often, by the way), but it's also discouraging that talent such as found in many of the contributors to this magazine can be overlooked by the big boys and girls. Hopefully, that will change in the not too distant future. All the Children is a powerful story. I'll be back!
Jane
Society of Children's Book Writers & Illustrators San Diego

Dear Mr. Boyne,
I couldn't agree with you more (re: Failing to Write). The right to fail should be guaranteed in the Constitution. Or perhaps it is (I'm not sure; I failed to read it). I love your work. You always make me laugh. One of these days I'm going to head south for an anti-social...
A fellow failure,
L. F.

We take so much for granted.  Our hands that type, the pens that write. The legs we use to walk, and the ground which supports them.  Our faiths (or lack thereof).  Our mothers.  Our mother ocean.  The air.  Our lives. I took for granted Writers Monthly, and came to realize that when I took the time.  Time to not only know that it was here, but to understand the magic within.  And I took it all.  And took it all back.  Thank you for giving writers (and songwriters) ;)  the opportunity.  Whether it's the opportunity to dream, to share, to tamper with deep-seeded narcissism, to express our insides (out), or simply to be heard.  Thank you for allowing us to be a part of something so much greater than ourselves.  Happy holidays.
-Tim (Rick Shaw Monkey)

Hi Melanie,

At the suggestion of a friend of mine, I just read your article on Should I get an MFA? and found it inspiring and helpful. I'm mulling this decision over myself, but was left wondering what is the story on the other side. Do you have any plans to do a devil's advocate addressing why not to get an MFA, covering situations when it may not be the best choice and excerpts from those who have had a different experience?

Best regards,
Elena, Denver, CO

Melanie Jennings's reply:
Elena,
Thanks so much for the feedback. Should you not get an MFA? That's an interesting question. No, I haven't considered writing a piece about that since my experience and the experience of so many friends and people I've met at conferences, etc., has been overwhelmingly positive.

If you're curious to follow the pro vs. anti MFA debates, there have been several articles about it in Poets & Writers over the last few years. You may be able to write them and ask which specific back issues address the topic. Another idea is to simply sit in on a few graduate creative writing classes in your area and talk with the students afterward to see if it's rewarding for them or not (as I advised in the article). Also, going to conferences is a great help.

The one argument that seems to surface in this debate repeatedly is that MFA graduates "all sound the same"; meaning that the workshop experience somehow makes all MFA stories or novels read blandly or formulaic. It's an interesting argument. Ultimately, however, what this argument fails to address is that you move on from your MFA experience and very quickly, you don't write like everyone else, yet you still have the work ethic, the drive, and the self-editing skills that make your writing stronger than if you didn't do the MFA.

In my review of the NYT Writers on Writing anthology , I mention Kurt Vonnegut's opinion of MFA programs; you might want to check that out. Also, read some John Gardner on the nature of being a writer. These might help you as you make your decision.

I wish you the best of luck!

Best,
Melanie

More from Elena Gerber:
Melanie,
Your response was so helpful. I keep going back and forth about a masters degree and career development and am enamored with the idea of pursuing creative writing (non-fiction is my current preference), but just have so many questions. The resources/ideas you cited are exactly what I was looking for. I'd love to know if any of your readers respond with their experience.
readers can email Elena

At Coastal Chemical where I am currently recepting they have a little announcement board in the entry. It was out of date for September so I was told to put something on it. It usually says something like "August - Think summer safety!" So I put "September - Talk Like a Pirate Month 'Aaarr!'"

Now half the people who come in say "Aaarr!" including Harold Nelson, our environmental guy, who is the whole reason for the name Harold. He is small, bespectacled, dapper, and rather sweet. Harold never misses the chance to say Aaarr!

Today the UPS guy called us wenches. Everyone seems to be enjoying it no end.

In Canada on vacation we sat near an attractive middle aged couple in a restaurant that were pretty clearly on a date. When the man laughed he literally went Ho Ho Ho. No kidding. I've never heard anything like it.

All I could think was after a while you'd want to kill him.
Katherine Howard

Absolutely love the MP3 of the smash hit "Mr. DePrado"...

I'm listening to it on my laptop in my office while the head-cheeses across the hall decide who gets the axe—5 so far—on this otherwise delightful Friday afternoon—should I keep working? Or do I wait to see if I'm next.ó I feel like I'm in a Shirley Jackson story.ó Its all so very odd.ó

Darren King, Michigan

To: Suzi Scheikert

I LOVED your article about Taking Time to Be Sick. Our whole culture seems geared toward people NOT doing this and it's pretty much expected that one works healthy or ill. There is one HUGE offender in this office who picks up everything from her children, then brings it in to the rest of us-- NEVER takes a sick day. So of course we all get sick and -- you guessed! -- come to work as well. Your article should be required reading in EVERY workplace! ó J.M., California

Dear Editor,
A festering sore on the underbelly of society has come to my attention. No, not US foreign policy. It's Oprah.

Due to circumstances beyond my control I have read several volumes from "Oprah's Book Club." When traveling, I like to carry books I can discard along the way. In the world of used books in St. Helens (Oregon) that means choosing from the vast ocean of pink known as the Romance Section, courtroom novels "6 Months on the New York Times Best Seller List!!!" of which I have had a belly full, or Oprah's Book Club. Yes, it has its own section.

Now, I like Oprah. She seems like a swell person. And, pretty much, I like her books if you don't mind being uplifted which is ok by me in limited quantities. But here's the festering sore. The books Oprah chooses for her book club all seem to mention her television show. The, ah, product placements fit seamlessly into the stories, but pps they are. Just like when Cameron Diaz drinks a Pepsi in a movie.

Nothing is free anymore.
Katherine Howard, Oregon

Subject: One Dessert, to Share

I've got the chills and I'm teary eyed... I should stop reading these at work.

Alicia Chavez

Mr. Baron,

I was extremely moved by your column this month, One Dessert, To Share. I was struck by your words:

People have stories beyond their dressed-up Saturday night visages. How many people have had to start their lives over again and again?

Indeed we do, once and again.

Warm Regards,
Darren King

Re: Michael Jordan's Head by Chris Baron
Chris,
I must say that this month's installment was my favorite. Althought, it's hard to say why. I think I just really appreciated your clear yet confused look at the world. You articulated yourself well, so much so that I felt that I could see the world the way you do in this piece. I loved it!

Jessica H.

Re: Michael Jordan's Head by Chris Baron
Chris,
How is it that you keep reading my mind from a galaxy far, far away (and writing it better)?

Vickie B.

Dear Editor,
I am an out-of-practice writer looking wistfully in the rearview mirror of my life as it speeds by, knowing I should eventually get back to my love of writing. As an inducement, a friend of mine told me about your website, and I have eagerly delved into it and very much enjoyed the contributions of various writers.

A story that held particular significance for me was Marigolds, by Jennifer Robinson. Ms. Robinson digs up emotions many women try to bury with her well-paced sentences and excellent character development. Her story has inspired me to listen to my inner voices that are quietly, patiently waiting to come out in the form of a story. Robinson looks very young in her picture, but she uses a deep symbolism and rich wisdom that is not easily acquired.

Thank you for your website. It is a wonderful forum for fresh new voices and I look forward to reading more!

Stephanie Shea

Just a note to say how much I enjoyed reading Jennifer Robinson's Short Story, Marigolds. I have been following her work for quite some time and in my opinion, she is a marvelous storyteller, with a very creative mind. I foresee great things in the future for this very inspirational writer. She has that certain something that we all search for in a "good read."

Sincerely, Rosa S.

Just wanted to say how much I loved Jennifer Robinson’s story Marigolds. Part of the fun of your site is discovering all these terrific new writers. Keep up the good work.

Caroline, New Jersey

In regard to David Boyne's column Failing to Write I echo Chris Mahon's comments.

Writers are not only the conscience of a free nation, they also challenge, check and change the conscience of a nation.

Writers without monetary strings to large, powerful organizations retain such freedom to truly exercise 1st Ammendment rights--and in that are so influential--a million voices in written word and now over the Internet in publications like Writers Monthly-- I'd say good writers are like good Golfers--they're going to do it whether they're paid or not--engaging in life is writers' fodder .

Darren King
Michigan

"It must be hard, though, for American writers not to yearn for what the American culture itself yearns for: to be rich, to be famous, to be powerful."

Hola, David.

The topic of your column (Failing To Write) is truly worthy of a book: "The Writer in America." The role of the writer in America. America’s response to its writers.

For me, we write as an act of survival. It’s really the same in those dark and shadowy places you speak of, I must imagine. The same for Joseph Brodsky, Vaclev Havel. We, too, here in America must write out of a similar impulse, though the culture in which we write is very different than that which existed in Eastern Europe or the Soviet Union of old.

I do think many people in America pay attention to their writers: that is why so many people flock to book fairs, to book stores, tune into Book TV. We’re just not recognized as much by the Powers that Be. In that way, we are similar to the dark and shadowy countries. It’s hard to be a threat to the richest and most powerful country on earth. Or, rather, writers here may be ignored where they aren’t ignored in the dark and shadowy regions. Ah, an immense topic...

It must be hard, though, for American writers not to yearn for what the American culture itself yearns for: to be rich, to be famous, to be powerful. I suppose it’s THAT which we must resist, while still continuing to write. I’m wishing more these days that there could be a kind of local fame writers inhabit, the local fame that may be more likely for musicians in their own cities.

But, you know, WritersMonthly is working to create that, in our own community. It’s good to be part of it. The City or Country of Writers as a parallel universe which may at times merge with that other universe.

I strive for the positive, though, where life is always more important.

As I’ve often thought: "Critics love books. Writers love life." Anon!
Chris Mahon, Los Angeles

Subject: getting enough essay

There is no pizza on my roof, however, there is a gigantic hamburger in my driveway.
Big Barb
Edmonton

"Does pizza on the hood count?"

I liked your story, Getting Enough.

About those pizzas on the roof, does pizza on the hood count?

Two boxes sitting on the hood of a car, which was running! Nobody inside, nobody around. I slid them off and jumped into my car, just in time to hear a delivery boy hollering HEY!!!!!! I sped off and left skid marks, up the street, quick left, quick right down the alley, Cramming pizza into our my mouth, hurry, eat the evidence! Screeching into the parking lot of the gigantic welfare apartments. Jump out, through the breezeway, jumping hurdle-like over a hedge diving into someone's back yard. Collapsed there laughing pepperoni breath.

That was the last time I ever drank Tequila. :)

Sheri S., San Diego

To: Leah Peterson
Subject: "Crab Salad with Creamy Crap"

I like that, A LOT.

It reminds me of when I was in Kohl's and this Southern woman kept making me smell every single candle they have (and trust me, they have many) and then asking me whether I like it or not. After that, she would find her favorites and then ask me which one is a bathroom smell and which one should go in the living room, and then her bedroom, and the downstairs bathroom, and on and on. I don't understand why she was asking me, for the fact I am 14 and haven't owned a home, but I still helped her with the aftereffect of a large headache.

That's what I really like about your writing; I can relate.

Hope to see more soon. =)
_Danielle.

I have read your assay All the Children , so sad. Any how, well written. I am from peru and I am not good in english but I love to write poems and stories so this email is just for saying "continue follow your dreams that is the only way to feel happyness and to share it with the world" .
Best regards
ROSA MARIA, PERU

"...such a cruel, inexcusable book review..."
Editors of Writers Monthly,

I am very disappointed at the review you allowed to be featured in your newsletter for HEART OF A PAGAN by Andrew Bernstein. I have been a book reviewer for three years, and I have never read such a cruel, inexcusable book review as the one you featured on Mr. Bernstein's book. Obviously, this "reviewer" sole intent was to promote another book. It is clear that he never intended to 'enjoy' HEART OF A PAGAN, because another similar book was still locked in his thoughts.

I have read/reviewed, and ENJOYED Mr. Berstein's book. I felt that although it may not be for everyone, it does indeed have a need to be in the book industry. I would offer my review if I felt that it could undo some of the senseless damage that has been done by this heartless review. I ask that you be more selective in the type of reviews you allow to be featured on your site in the future.

Thank you for the consideration,

Suzie Housley
To read Suzie Housley's review of Heart of a Pagan, click here

Letter from Florida, clearly written by a 14-year old girl, or a male librarian, or an FBI agent pretending to be a 14-year old girl...
Dear, dear Editor,

Yes, I still think about you. I spend some time reading your stuff that I hadn't read before, and rereading the stuff that brought you to me, the stuff that touched my heart and mind and soul and I don't care if you think I'm being dramatic because I can't even remember the last time I heard from you and yet I still think about you, and often. I don't know why and you probably don't care why but I'm just checking in to tell you that your stuff is still great and I loved the piece on dancing and I especially the loved the piece entitled "Why Obituaries Read Like Novel Plots" except although I read "plots" I think "plotz" which has more of a connection to death, i.e. obituaries.

It matters not.

I hope your life is good, that you are happy, always happy, and that you still remember me, the little blip on your radar a while back, the married blip who still has the hots for (you)... I figure no matter what it's always nice to know that someone thinks you're hot.

Ciao,
Stacy, Your Bitch

(Editor's Note: We appreciate whenever anyone is moved to back talk us. We even appreciated the...uh...personal... photos enclosed with the above letter. We would however like to make it clear that if you do not want to back talk us and/or send photos, sending money is an option. And we would really appreciate that.)

Letter from Iowa, "I'm not anti-war. I'm just anti-stupid."
That was an interesting article by Terrie Relf about the disinvited poets...although one might have anticipated such behavior from the Shrubs.

Relf cited Plato's disdain of poets in general. At the risk of oversimplifying Plato, I might point out that civic irresponsibility was a major no-no in his time [Socrates, in fact, was hemlocked for having 'corrupted the youth' of his day, a euphemism for encouraging civic irresponsibility--rather like Thoreau, one supposes]. And Plato believed that poetry--and poets--were corrupting factors. It was, after all, the civic duty of Greek males to fight for their city-state.

Not all poets are anti-war, either. Mayakovsky, to name one such, was primarily an apologist for the former Soviet Union and its 'foreign policy.' Pushkin was not anti-war so much as he was anti-Tsar, an attitude which, if memory serves, got him jailed a bit...although he remained the darling of the aristocratic intelligentsia. Perhaps it was this which led Laura Bush to invite poets to the White House to support the Shrub Regime. If so...whoa, was she disappointed!

And just to set the record straight, I'm not anti-war. I'm just anti-stupid. And the Shrub foreign policy reminds me of three drunks down on 3nd Avenue at 1:30 A.M., looking for a place to pee.

Tyree Campbell
Managing Editor
Sam's Dot Publishing

Letters from Prague, #4
I had a job interview today.

I already have a job now but this was in a firm I interview at two days after My return. They didnÈt have any position open at that time but now they are looking for someone to join their team.

My job would be basically designing and building websites. My today job is all about action scripting which I really like but it gets kinda boring (you know working with the same technology and nothing else). IÈll see what I am gonna do about it. I could also work for them externally but then I would work like 60 hours a week so I wouldnÈt have much time to do anything else.

I have to let them know by the end of next week.

I crashed my car completely last week. I am doing fine but the car is all messed up beyond repair. I went out on a date with this cool chick and everything was going fine until I overlooked a cab coming from the left. I happened so fast I was able to say a word. Fortunately nobody involved was hurt.

We still donÈt have a new president cause the stupid politics are not able to agree on one candidate.

The weather is still very cold and I am looking forward to going in the mountains in March. There will be about 30 people I know there. So itÈs gonna be a huge party all the time. We go to Switzerland to two big cabins(each for 50) located in the middle of the hill. The rooms are for 4 or 2 persons and we have breakfast and dinner included. I ma not sure how we gonna get there since I lost my car but weÈll figure something out. Gotta go now

Tomas Novotny

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Letter From Indiana

i enjoyed poking around your site--it is looking good. legit, even. are things going well for you?

will be in your hood for a day or two sometime between christmas and new years. maybe we could get together???

my daughter is amazing. she curses up a storm, drops something and says, "shit! shut! shit! shut! shit! shut!". I think she's conjugating.

she also puts "anymore" at the end of any phrase describing what she's not willing to do, i.e... "i don't wear pajamas anymore" "i don't wanna wake up anymore" "i don't like bananas anymore"

She also wraps her arms around my neck, hugs very tight, and says, I love you SO MUCH.

it's heaven.

keep in touch.

i hate the midwest.

Kelly

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Letters From Oregon, #1

On Monday I had a temp job interview with Columbia River PUD. Oh, how I longed to work for a place called, phonetically, kerpud. But, no, they chose another. I got unmistakably negative vibes from one of the ladies who conducted the interview. Can't understand it, considering I was dressed in the uniform of the day. Oddly enough, all three of us (two interviewers and I) were dressed in red and black. Odd. Perchance they didn't think I was serious enough for the electricity bidness.

Day before yesterday it was 80 degrees and I was out in my kayak in Scappoose Bay communing with a family of 4 otters, a huge bald eagle, and a passel of carp. I was able to get quite close to the otters who viewed me with a mixture of curiosity and belligerence. They had a nest under an abandoned boat house and I was able to watch them gambol about, peeing, each in turn, on a chunk of log to claim in in the name of Otter Family. Then they ducked into the water and I thought the show was over until I came to a log jam and there they were again, all in row, looking like a wildlife calendar.

The eagle came along later, so huge it looked like a kite stuck in a tree until I peered through my binoculars.

The carp lie about in the mudflat shallows soaking up the heat. It is sort of unnerving when they bump the bottom of my boat. Mike is trying to catch a carp for me so I can do some fish prints. So far they have ignored his bait. I could probably get one with a net if I went back to the shallows. But then, there I'd be, in a confined space with a rather huge fish. No thanks.

Katherine Howard

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Letters From Prague, #3
I just got to work.

The company's name I work for is (deleted)...

There's around 20 people working in its Prague's office. There's 4 of us in the development Department. My boss is Chris, an american dude who'been doing this stuff since the day 1. And then there's 3 of us CZ dudes who just do all the dirty work. (just kidding).

They didn't give me any project to work on yet, so I'm gonna pretend I'm being busy doing something important now.

The weahter in Prague is around 12`F. There is some snow in the mountains so we went up there for one day with my friend and skied all day.

My car doesn't start up when it's cold like this. So whoever is saying that Honda is dependable car, he's a liar.

You know our famous prezident Vaclav Havel is about to retire so we're all looking for a new guy who would be at least half as good as he was. If you know someone let me know and I'll propose it to our government.

Tomas Novotny

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Letters From Prague, #2

I think that czech folks support the idea of war against Iraq. You know people here are much less willing to get involved in politics than americans. I mean people have the kinda "Leave to the government" attitude.

In general most people feel like this............" Hey I don't give a sh@t if there's a war in Iraq cause it's far away anyway, wait did they say the gas price will go up, well then I don't think the whole war idea is a good thing". There's a difference between people living in cities and coutry folks........but that's same everywhere, isn't it?

The Czech govenment stands behind Bush.............I guess. You know our country has been trying last 10 years to join the European Union and finally in 2004 we will be accepted. So if the European Union is with Bush so are we but if this will change for any reason in the future then.................One thing is for sure. Nobody I know supports the war on drugs. All my buds including myself were or are stoners. I used to grow my own weed in the old days on my parent's backyard and on my apartment's patio. We definetely support the Netherlands way of dealing with this. Today we have a law that says that you can keep a personal (small amount) of any kind of drug on you.

Basically you can have two joints or two hit of coke in your pocket and all they can do is just take it from you. But if you get caught with 20 joints on you then you are considered as a dealer and that's a problem. It is alsoprohibited to grow it. There are still bars and pubs where you can smoke weed inside at a table. There used to be whole lot more of them but nowdays the bar owners just tell you to go smoke outside on the street and then come back for a drink. " something like smoking cigarettes in CA"

Yeah there is hundred thousands old czechs still living in US. Most of them people who didn't wanna wait for Stalin who came in 1948. My grandmma has two brothers both of them living in Vacouver. One of them took of when he was 18 serving his term in the army in 1952 (" the fifties were the hardest for people not going with the komunists ") . He happend to patrol on the West Germany border "watching out for bad capitalists sneaking to our great country to steel our ideas and so on............." So he just put the gun down and walked accross the border htrough the woods.

And the other one took of in 1960 and already had a wife and two kids..........so they hired a guy who was suppose to lead them through the woods across the border. he tirned out to be a under cover cop. My gramma's brother went to jail for 4 years and when he wlked out of there they did it again succuessfully.
Tomas Novotny

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